Home?

A couple of weeks ago I took off for what was supposed to just be a standard weekend in New York (well, Jersey City to be exact) for a housewarming for two of my girlfriends. Over two weeks later, I finally arrived home. Or at least, back to Boston.

Up until this trip, I hadn't really considered going back to NYC. I've only been in Boston a little over a year, and things have mostly been good. I haven't really had any reason or motivation to even consider leaving.

While I was down there, the Groupon gods smiled upon me and offered up a 50% discount to the BlogWorld & New Media Expo the following week. So with my friends' blessing to reserve their couch, I bought a 1-day pass in order to get to the only two sessions that happened to be touching on the use of social media in financial services, which is kind of my white whale. The pass also included entry to all Keynote sessions, BWENY parties and the exhibit hall. I was in heaven.

The people I crossed paths with and the lessons I learned - and am still processing - were priceless. The extra time in the city also allowed me to do something I haven't let myself do in years. I let myself get absorbed back into the city itself. I walked around aimlessly, visited some of my favorite shops and restaurants, walked past my old apartment and just let myself remember the way it felt when I was there in the beginning.

And thus opened Pandora's box. By the end of every other trip I've made back, I'm usually chomping at the bit to get back to Boston. But not this time. Each day I spent down there just made me feel a little bit more unsure and lost. Maybe that's because of everything else going on in my head...career change, grad school, family. But what I'm starting to realize is that for the first time in years, I'm not on an "full speed ahead" track. I'm stuck in the slow lane and being forced to take in everything that's around me. I can't afford to work with blinders on right now and not knowing what is coming down the road is scarier than anything else right now.